Who am I
by PKayumanggi
Summary: A songfic to Casting Crowns’ Who am I. Which i for sure do not own.


**Who Am I**

_Who am I, that the lord of all the earth_

_Would care to know my name_

_Would care to feel my hurt?_

Sweating. Grunting. Crying, One final push.

A piercing shrill cry vibrating into the quiet hours of the morning.

She could see colors and patterns, hear grunts, moans, and harsh whispers.

She could not understand them. Not able to comprehend anything other than the feeling of cold, of fear. She was terrified. So she cried, then she cried. There was no one here to comfort, no one to hold, no one to bring warmth.

**Absence**

_Who am I, that the bright and morning star_

_Would choose to light the way_

_For my ever wandering heart?_

She sat with her chin tucked between her chin, leaning against the railing of the steps that guided her. She watched the scene in front of her. Young children, the sound of their feet against the gravel as they ran to their mothers and fathers. Warm embraces and chaste kisses. Those loving smiles. She holds in a sob.

"Be strong" she thinks. Then she stands, head held high, graceful, beautiful, and alone. She dusts herself off. The sun in the middle of the sky, harshly beaming into the road she walks on. Still, she walks. She will not cry, then she did not cry. Its warm yet there's no one to comfort. No one to hold.

**Alone**

_Not because of who I am_

_But because of what you've done_

She stood in the back, hidden in the shadows. She watched as everyone threw their caps into the air. Dark masses falling, mimicking the sun that had set for them, not unlike the end of a another chapter. Though it still exists, waiting to rise for a new beginning. She started walking , feeling the weight on her neck, the glint of gold glimmering on her reflection in a puddle she had passed by. She stopped, she stared, then she smiled.

**Accomplished **

_Not because of what I've done_

_But because of who you are_

She looks back at the scene behind her. It was the same warm embraces, chaste kisses, and loving smiles. Visible and out of her reach. What she cannot have, what she now she cannot afford to crave. She steels herself, straightens her shoulder, her heads held high. And she walks on. Step after step crunching on the gravel under her feet. She will not cry, then she did not cry. She is her comfort. She is her warmth.

**Absurd**

_I am a flower quickly fading _

_Here today and gone tomorrow_

_A wave tossed in the ocean_

_A vapor in the wind_

A light breeze passed her as she sat against wood, bringing with it swirls of reds, yellows, and oranges. She lifted her head and accepted its caress. She took a deep breath, the wind and the warm rays of the sun dancing on her skin. She closed her eyes.

Unexpectedly, covered by a figure not her own, for when was she not her own. It's presence offering shade yet warmth, casting a shadow unto her.

A frown.

Confusion.

She opened her eyes, another's met hers. The shade was not so cold, the shadow was not so dark.

A pause.

A blink.

A smile.

**Acknowledged**

_Still you hear me when I'm calling_

_Lord, you catch me when I'm falling_

_And you've told me who I am_

_I am yours_

She stood and she stared. This reflection, it was unrecognizable. Bruised lips, messy bed hair, and a blush on her cheeks. Stunning, devastating, unfathomable. There was a warm embrace, a chaste kiss, a loving smile. So unlike any other evening. So she smiled, then she cried, and then she cried. It was warm. There was comfort. She was held.

**Aware**

_Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin_

_Would look on me with love_

_And watch me rise again?_

Carefully, slowly, almost painfully, she untangled herself from the limbs, sheets, and warmth. How she craved it, treasured it, devoured it. Seldom has she welcomed the sun with a smile. She raised her head, feeling the warm rays lovingly caress her face. Memories of arising to reds, yellows, and oranges, warm embraces, lingering touches, chaste kisses, and bended knees.

She lifted up her arms, a glint of gold catching her high. There it sat heavy on her finger. She steels herself, straightens her shoulders, and holds her head high. And she stays. And she cries, and then she cries, then she smiles.

**Accepted**

_Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea_

_Would call out through the rain_

_And calm the storm in me?_

Reds, oranges, and yellow hues battled in the distance. She sat serenely against the railing of the steps that lead to her warmth. She was waiting. She was patient. She was strong. She was wrong. She was loved. She raised her head and closed her eyes. The need to feel the gentle hold of this sedate night. The cold air touching her face, caressing her body. She shivered, her hand clenching tightly as it held their future and their dreams.

**Astonished**

_Not because of who I am_

_But because of what you've done_

_Not because of what I've done_

_But because of who you are_

She stood, then she frowned. The colors were fading. The wind was getting colder. The night sky getting darker. She felt the breeze caress her being, sinfully, almost hauntingly. Then she paused, then she blinked, letting the darkness consume her.

So she cried, then she cried, then she ran.

A harsh wind brought her to a halt, strangely she could not feel its biting chill. She forced herself to turn around. She bent down and picked up the little white stick that had fallen to the dark pavement. She steeled herself, straightened her shoulders, and lifted her head the highest she can. She began walking back, her hand clenching, pleading, on their future, on their dreams.

**Afraid**

_I am a flower quickly fading_

_Here today and gone tomorrow_

_A wave tossed in the ocean_

_A vapor in the wind_

The morning sky had barely made its self known when she had sat down against marble. Its light bringing in warmth to all that feels its embrace. Yet she watched, longingly. Those warm embraces, chaste kisses, and loving smiles.

"Be strong" she thought. She lifted her head and closed her eyes. Feeling such familiar warm breeze caress her very being. Still she feels its chill, haunting her, capturing her in its bite.

So she cries, then she cries, wrapping her arms around herself , around their future and their dreams.

**Agonized**

_ Still you hear me when I'm calling_

_Lord, you catch me when I'm falling_

_And you've told me who I am_

_I am yours_

Sweating. Grunting. Crying, then one final push.

A piercing shrill cry vibrating into the quiet hours of the night.

She opened her eyes and she cried, then she cried.

The darkness cloaking them in its firm hold.

Yet there was warmth, there was comfort. It was unreachable, unthinkable, more than impossible. Now it was hers to provide. Warm embraces, kisses, and loving smiles. Those were hers to give.

**Amazed**

_Not because of who I am_

_But because of what you've done_

_Not because of what I've done_

_But because of who you are_

She stood there waiting. Leaning agains a railing by the steps that lead to their future, their dream. Her head angled to the bright sky, feeling its rays gentle caress. A sound broke her from her peace. Still she watches, as little children start commanding the space that surrounds them. Running up to their mother's and father's accepting those warms embraces, those kisses, and those loving smiles. Accepting wholly into their being then giving it back threefold.

She smiled, and held her arms wide open. There, the sun and its warmth, captured in her arms. Gently holding her, their future and their dreams. Here she cried, then she cried. Yet she smiled.

Here was comfort. Here was hope.

She was comfort. She was hope.

**Adapt**

_I am a flower quickly fading_

_Here today and gone tomorrow_

_A wave tossed in the ocean_

_A vapor in the wind_

_Still you hear me when I'm calling_

_Lord, you catch me when I'm falling_

_And you've told me who I am_

_I am yours_

Reds, oranges, and yellow hues battled in the distance. They sat serenely against marble, enjoying the comfort of what they had longed for. The impossible and the unfathomable. When she cried, then she cries. Yet they smile.

Even when the heavens mourn with them, light fading away, darkness grasping at their shadows. They steel themselves, straighten their shoulders, and raise their heads to the sky. Feeling the nights breeze tease their faces, yet it was warm. So they smiled.

Here was comfort.

Here was love.

**Angelic**


End file.
